We begin exactly where we left off last time: with Shaunie, Evelyn, Jenn and Royce dropping by Gloria and Suzie’s lunch date. Obviously, conflict ensues. This show wouldn’t be this show without it:
Shaunie (with a little help from Evelyn, Jenn and Royce) versus Gloria (with no help from Suzie)
Hilariously, everyone immediately pulls up seats (and to be fair, Gloria and Suzie are weirdly sitting at a giant table that can comfortably fit four more people).
“We were just talking about you!” says Gloria, as though it weren’t a given. “Good things?” asks Evelyn. “No, not really,” says Gloria dryly. Ha. So we’re being honest, are we? Immediately, Shaunie follows suit and digs into Gloria’s seeming marital woes, asking, “Your relationship is perfect. What happened?” When news of your mortal enemy’s canceled marriage makes the media rounds, it must be nice to be able to rub it in her face in person. That’s definitely a perk of being a public figure, I imagine.
Gloria says she’s not telling Shaunie anything about her relationship because she doesn’t like her. Well, Shaunie doesn’t like Gloria, either. Perhaps they have more in common than they thought! Gloria wonders why Shaunie would care about her situation if that’s the case, and Shaunie says, “Because it?s so entertaining to me! That you?re sitting here! After your wedding date! Unmarried!” Gloria says she and Matt didn’t get married because they didn’t feel like it. Some days you feel like an exchange of vows; some days you don’t. Gloria says that she’s not going to pour her heart out to Shaunie and Shaunie says that it’s because she doesn’t have one. And to think that all it would take is a trip to the Wizard to straighten her out. Maybe he could pass on some nerve to Suzie, too.
Gloria assures Shaunie that she and Matt are still happy. Evelyn is not having this at all.
When I saw this, I thought, “Gah! One millimeter lower and Evelyn would have a lovely makeshift mustache.” And then Gloria shifted slightly…
…and made my wish come true.
Evelyn points out that Gloria said she and Jenn are jealous of her relationship. Glo responds, “And probably you guys are.” I think it’s safe to say that at this point, after a considerable Twitter beef but regardless of anything, they really, really aren’t. A rare miss, Gloria. Jenn points out that Gloria was talking about how perfect her relationship was and Gloria snaps back, “Please don’t talk.” Jenn listens and expresses herself through action:
Jenn wonders exactly what they’re jealous of: Gloria’s failure to walk down the aisle or her two kids “out of wedlock.” Jenn’s hollering like we’ve never heard before. It’s kind of a good look! It’s nice to know that she has passion somewhere inside of her. Meanwhile, Royce is mostly silent, but loving this…
Suzie soon gets up and leaves, only to interview that she?d had enough of the negativity, and ganging up on Gloria was not right. I’m sure Gloria really appreciated the silent, absent support. With it and $20, she could buy herself a baseball bat.
There’s more bickering regarding the particulars of Gloria’s canceled wedding and her refusal to divulge them. She implies that marriage yields sexlessness. I know nothing of the sort. Gloria says that she doesn?t care about Shaunie. Shaunie tells her to leave. “Yeah, I am getting? up out of here, you ugly-ass c***!? says Gloria.
Shaunie interviews that this language took her aback. “Who says the C-word?” she says. Scotsmen, mostly. Anyway, Shaunie follows Gloria out of the restaurant…
…like, all the way…
I love that in the midst of turmoil, Gloria had the composure to collect her leftovers. That kind of unshakability is hard to come by. Shaunie sees Gloria to Suzie’s car…
…and then knocks on the window as her final goodbye…
Shaunie interviews that through this, nothing was resolved and that it was a waste. Eh, not entirely: we got to watch it, at least. ?But at the same time, I think I should have smacked the crap out of her,? Shaunie laments. Well, we have seven episodes left in the season. Still plenty of time! Invest in a wrestling ring today!
Speaking of weddings that didn’t happen, Evelyn and Jenn walk by the store that was doing her dress before she canceled things with Antoine Walker. She says she “has to” go in, and then explains, “I just wanted to see the dress. I hadn?t seen it in over a year. Just was curious.” A whole year? She’s really missing out on crucial moments in garment-development. Before she knows it, that dress is going to be fully grown and starting a life of its own and she’ll barely recognize it at all. Jenn, with insight that seems a bit more grounded in reality, says that Evelyn wanted to go check out the dress to show herself she made the right decision. At the same time, this implies that Evelyn was to wear a pile of wet garbage and hot rags, which…
…she was not. Obviously. I don’t know, wouldn’t a nice dress make someone regret that she never got to wear it in public? Except up until this point, I guess? “I feel silly,” says Evelyn, though obviously not silly enough to scream at the cameramen to turn off their cameras and threaten them with bodily harm if they do not, like people do on some shows.
They talk about modifying it into an evening gown, which Evelyn says would be a “big step.” Wait, was Evelyn supposed to get married in this dress or to this dress? Jenn points out that Evelyn and Gloria now have something in common: they both own wedding dresses they didn’t wear. Ha ha? Evelyn wants this to be converted into a freakum dress and Jenn suggests that wearing it may just pick her up a husband.
Amen. And also: isn’t it kind of already a freakum dress?
We then see a short scene with Shaunie and her kids, who for the summer are staying just a hop, skip and a plane ride away from Miami, in Orlando.
She plays ball with them, at one point schooling a very young daughter in the particulars of basketball:
I love how adorably serious about her mother’s instruction Me’arah is. I hope Shaunie cherishes these years. They don’t last long. Before you know it, your children will be grown-up wedding dresses.
Then, we get a sad scene of Jenn alone in her apartment with only her giant earring to cling to…
We see shots of her holding her Blackberry in various places around her apartment.
She says she and Eric text each other “to avoid what’s going on.” That’s sad but also extremely modern of them.
We’re then introduced to Suzie’s new man, the “young, hot and strappin’” Jared Odrick.
Some men are cute, some are hot, some are handsome, some are fine and some are foine. Jared is foine.
As they share a dinner in prepared by a chef, he explains football to her. Didn’t she just say last episode that she wants to be a sportscaster, probably covering football? She apparently has a long way to go, as she thinks the length of a first down is 100 yards. He’s patient with her, so that’s nice. Jared is 22, which leads Suzie to call him “young, hot and irresistible.” The rose he presents her at the end of their date probably helps inform her opinion, as well:
While that’s blossoming, though, Jenn and Eric are wilting.
Jennifer versus Eric
He finally arrives home.
Here is a sample of their conversation:
Jenn: This is, like, wack.
Eric: What?s wack?
Jenn: Like, us.
Eric: I mean, come on, granted, look, whatchu want from me?
So, yeah. Communication isn’t their strong suit and it only devolves from there. He says it doesn’t even matter if he’s home or not, because she goes out every night anyway. She says she goes out every night because she’s unhappy with her situation. He tells her to get out, then. He says they not longer have an emotional connection and that she’s obviously not in love with him anymore. Jenn thinks that people in marriages fall in and out of love all the time. For, like, sport?
She knows she’s done all she can do. “How long do you drag this out?” she wonders. “I don’t,” says Eric, pointedly. Eric says she?s holding onto memories and the thoughts of being a failure, but relationships end all the time. He can sense the tension when they’re together. “We ain’t smilin’ anymore,” he notes. He’s got that right.
How succinct and devastating. Let’s don’t wait till the water runs dry, please?
He mentions multiple times the advice Evelyn gave Jenn last season to cheat on Eric. “You got these miserable females that they tryin? to give you some advice?” he says. But of course, that advice was not given in a bubble — it was in response to Eric’s infidelity, which could very well still be happening given that he hasn’t worn his wedding band in Jenn doesn’t know how long.
He says he lost it. “It” could mean so many things in addition to his ring right now. She says it?s pretty apparent. Again, “it” could mean so many things. He wants her to be more specific. The next thing. What?s the next thing? Moving on. “That?s fine with me,” he says. He asks her if she’s getting a lawyer and says she can have the apartment. She says they’ll take it one day at a time, but he doesn’t like that idea. Nonetheless, the scene cuts ensuring that they’ll at least be taking this one episode at a time.
Then, some Suzie activity.
She has her laptop out, working (on what?) at a cafe when Royce calls her to coordinate a meeting with Dwayne. Since Evelyn will be there, Suzie will “have to think about it.” Then, she meets with a “local Miami host” for lunch:
The host, Debra, tells Suzie to pursue her broadcast journalism degree / sportscasting dreams.
And so Suzie will. She ends their meeting with a near-wardrobe malfunction.
This suggests that Suzie’s broadcasting has viral potential, which really must be what you strive for as an on-air journalist these days.
Then, Royce and Dwayne frolic in botanical gardens, which Royce loves for the flowers but hates for the bugs.
Their six-month period of chastity has ended. They talk about what Dwayne wants. Apparently, it is booty. Luckily, they are able to control their hormones for the time being. Royce discusses their imminent dinner. She says Evelyn will have an attitude if Suzie goes (she doesn’t add this, but it’s quite possible that she’ll have an attitude if Suzie doesn’t go, as well). She assures him that Shaunie will like him, and that Shaunie’s the realest of the bunch. We shall see!
We’re treated to a brief scene of Gloria and Matt packing up their stuff for their move to California, on account of Matt being traded.
They talk about the other women on the show. Matt doesn’t like any of them (obviously!) but Gloria says she likes Suzie. Of course, now she’s getting away from most of them, with the exception of Shaunie, who also has a house in L.A. Gloria says this doesn’t affect her. Good thing, right? How much would things suck if it did affect her?
And then, we get to the final scene, which is not set up to be a point of tension, per se, but becomes one anyway. It actually complements the opening scene, which was also a fight in a restaurant. What gorgeous bookends!
Evelyn versus Suzie
Evelyn, Jenn and Shaunie arrive at the restaurant where they are meeting Royce and, for the first time, Dwayne:
Jenn interviews that Dwayne seems normal. So far so good! She asks if he has, in Royce’s words, “spread the hips” yet. “Have you f***ed?” is how Evelyn immediately clarifies. That is the finest, “How do you do?” that I’ve ever heard in my life.
“I’m satisfied,” is how Dwayne puts it. This is unsatisfactory to Evelyn, who counters, “What does that mean? You lickin? her p****?? Haha, Evelyn is amazing. Royce is finally made to admit that their sex fasting is over. In an interview she adds an embarrassed, “Hi, Mom!” Royce, you have a kid and your mom knows how that happened, since she’s, oh, your mom and all. She probably isn’t scandalized one bit.
Evelyn asks if Suzie is coming. Maybe! Shaunie thinks Suzie’s regular flaking is “just rude.” Some time passes and they receive their meals. Jenn thinks it’s rude that Suzie’s still not there. “She’s a f***ing bitch,” is Evelyn’s explanation. Then Suzie comes in, not acting like a bitch at all, probably to Evelyn’s chagrin.
As always, Evelyn cuts right to the point: “We were just letting him know how shady you are.” “Aw, I love you, too,” is Suzie’s response. “No, I don’t love you,” is how Evelyn hits back.
Royce asks Suzie if she wants to eat and Evelyn says she doesn’t, adding, “You need not to eat!? Harsh! Suzie tries to explain that she liked Evelyn, only to be cut off by Evelyn’s proclamation of not liking Suzie. “You run your motherf***in? mouth. That?s what you do,” Evelyn tells her. ?And you tryin? to be a commentator on TV. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can?t even speak, bitch.?
To be fair, commentating is a great career path for someone who runs their motherf***in’ mouth as a matter of course. The speaking, I’d assume, would just fall into place. Evelyn then suggests that Suzie does nothing but collect child support. There is a lot of bickering. This time, Royce does not find it hilarious.
There is a brief calm and Suzie attempts to apologize again. “I f***ed up!” she says.
She says she was trying to be too nice to too many people and that she genuinely misses her friendship with Evelyn. She wishes she could turn back time if only to preserve that friendship. Evelyn’s response? “Whatever, we don?t need to be BFFs it’s all good…Me and you will never be friends. I don?t care how much you apologize. I put that on my daughter’s life.” Compassion! She leaves.
Shaunie and Jenn follow her, and then Royce, Dwayne and Suzie all decide to leave as well (hopefully giving Evelyn enough time and space so as not to even broach the force field of her wrath). “Well, you met everybody!” Royce tells Dwayne. Indeed. And he got a free show with his meal, to boot!
Source: http://blog.vh1.com/2011-01-02/basketball-wives-2-recap-episode-3-crumbling-bookends/
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